there she goes...

tonight, i saw and heard an amazing woman speak. dr. maya angelou was at U. Baltimore as part of their Feminist Legal Theory Conference. In fact, she was the keynote. as promised, she was incredibly dynamic, charming, engaging and entertaining as a speaker, and I'm glad I went.

however, i found the experience to be slightly saddening and hard. as i was listening to dr. angelou speak about the powerful women in her life who had shaped her and paved the way for her; about the needs of women to be empowered and stand up for themselves; etc; i realized that i am no longer part of that - the feminism, female and women empowerment - and i can't ever be part of that in the same way. it was weird to be listening and relating on some level, but also to know that my understanding of the situations and experiences she was invoking were atypical to probably most of the other men in the room. i suppose that is the beauty of being in the position i am currently, but at this point, where i'm still sort of in the middle, it's also really tough. i'm trying to balance the feelings of excitement and pride in myself and the changes that are about to come with the mourning and loss of a part of myself that i know has to leave in some way. and all of it is combined with the fear of the unknown. it's quite overwhelming emotionally, and i wasn't expecting to encounter that in my evening. i realize that this is probably going to be something that i deal with more and more as things progress, and i hope i am able to figure out how to deal.

but...overall, a good night. and a good end to a long, eventful week