parting words (at least for now)

Dear L,

I know that recently it seems like I've been pushing you away...it's just that I'm not sure how to keep you in my life right now. I know that you're scared to leave. I'm scared too - scared of losing you forever, afraid of not being able to live up to your reputation with your family and friends, and terrified that I will become unrecognizable to you and everyone else I know. I don't want you to go away forever, but right now, I need my space. And I need some distance from you. I can feel you holding on, not wanting to let go - but for me to take this chance and leap of faith, i need you to as well. Though we must diverge as I make my journey, I have confidence that we will meet up again down the road and travel together again. Maybe by then, you won't be just a sad girl named happiness and I won't be such a lost little boy. I'm going through so many changes right now, and I want to be able to enjoy them and take it all in as I'm living it and so I have to stop worrying about you so much. I know that's not my style. So for now, "so long" -- I'll think of you often as I carve out my own path.

Love always,
R.A.R.