i.am.not.dead.

so, i just realized that i have this thing called a blog.

and hopefully, i will update soon. b/c the last 4-5ish months have been super uneventful and eventful at the same time

one week down....

so, i successfully completed my first week of classes. and - wow! hit you in the face. i'm already really behind. it's very overwhelming, but i'm dealing with it pretty well. i think that i've almost found my groove and so should be a little more efficient and focused this week. it's harder to get back into the swing of things than i imagined, having not been a student for 2 years.

wednesday was an odd day. we started our dissections. in one day, i cut into a cadaver and received my own human skeleton to take home. i wasn't very freaked out by this until i got my bone box home. i went to open it and was like "this is a bit creepy". and it still is. i'm sure i'll be utilizing the bones a lot more in the future to study, but for now - they are safely tucked away.

even more surreal perhaps was friday's dissection. the task was the breasts and chest cavity. being that our cadaver is a woman, we had to remove both breasts and give one away to another group who didn't have one. weird. then we had to dissect the individual breast (the part that i ended up doing). it was fine, but it was a little unsettling. here we were, basically doing a type of double mastectomy - a procedure that is upcoming for me in december. of course, it isn't the exact same thing - but as i was thinking about it, it was just..i can't describe it.

i had a similar reaction when we did the spine as i recalled my back surgery. i suppose i've always been fascinated by surgery and things like that, but now, after having actually been part of the process of cutting into a human being, i'm even more amazed by surgeons and surgery. everything is so intimately connected and so close together, it is amazing what we can do. i wish i were more eloquent of a writer or that my thoughts were more coherent at the moment to describe this better.

here's looking to surviving week 2.

surrealism

today, i had the surreal experience of meeting someone that i had already met but who didn't realize the difference (and thus, thought i ws somebody completely new). okay, maybe that didn't make any sense, so let me try again. through the course of the last few days, i have probably introduced myself over 200 times. in fact, i feel like that is mostly all i've done since starting my medical school experience. funny thing, i still probably haven't met m ore than a third of my 165-member class. several people remembered me from before (like from an interview day) but didn't seem to remember and/or care that my name and gender was different. today however, i had an experience that went something like this:
-hi, i'm remy
*i'm m_____
-i think we may have met before. did we interview together?
*no, ...(thinking) wait! we worked together at NIH
-oh yeah.
-where did you go to school?
-NC State
-there was another girl at NIH that went to NC State who actually knew s0-and-so who i grew up with

um...yeah. totally talking about me. SURREAL.

in other news, seem to be fitting in and being perceived as i want. which is odd as i don't really know how to converse with guys. apparently, a lot of people think i'm gay. i'm okay with this, but i find it amusing.

more later

holy crap

i start med school tomorrow.

ahh!

month of freedom

friday was my last day in the lab. thus begins a month of freedom before school begins. today, i 'm nc bound for a quick trip. the craziness of the next few weeks and the nervousness and stress should make a winning combination.

hopefully i will get around to posting a few vids i've been meaning to as well as some pics of the next few weeks.

flying under the radar.

so, tonight i participated in a dual-bachelorette party for my two lesbian friends who are getting married next month. i was a little apprehensive as i
a)wasn't sure what the crowd would be (though i knew i wouldn't be the only guy)
b) i knew a lot of the crowd would be second years (at Maryland Med School where I'll be)
c) there was a possibility of some of my fraternity brothers who i haven't seen or talked to in years to be there

turns out b) and c) were true. but, the night went off very successfully. first, someone filled in said frat brothers of my transitioning prior to them arriving at the meeting place. yay for eliminating some of the awkwardness. not sure if the others knew anything or not, but i don't think they did. and they just took me as one of the guys.

we ended up getting ripped off by a cabbie :( who took us to our first destination - strip club. we ended up going to a lower end one not on "the block" b/c one of the girls had connections and could get us in free. well, turns out that was only true for the ladies. and so i flew under the radar as i payed cover. for some reason the bouncer didn't card the guys (maybe b/c our group was like 20 people) which i was glad for. that could have been superawkward depending on what reaction i would have gotten.

that was my first venture into a strip club. i didn't think they were going to do fully nudes, but they did. it was okay. none of the girls were that attractive really. even with my testosterone enhanced state, i wasn't all worked up over anything. we went from there to the gay club. again, i was sort of afraid about the ID issue. i've never had a problem at that particular institution but i've never been there with new people who didn't know my status or on a "ladies" night where there were different covers for guys and girls. that different cover thing really sucks, btw.

it was nice to be stealthish tonight, but i realized i had to be careful of not saying anything stupid to blow it. i'm not used to being in such a situation. it was kind of nice.

okay, this entry sucks and is rambly but it is almost 3 am. g'night
-r.a.r.

progress

I biked approximately 2.5 miles tonight. On the city streets. Partially at night. AND AND AND didn't collapse or die. This is progress. I will tell you that it wasn't the easiest...I blame this partly on needing more air in my tires (I think), not knowing how to shift gears, and of course on my out-of-shapeness. I think I could grow to like this though.

It was especially nice on my way back from my friends- the cool air was so pleasant